Letter to a Friend

I recently had an old friend reach out and ask me an interesting question. When your life has turned upside down when you don't know which way is forward, how do you move on? Does something click? How do you get your spark back? Where do you find passion?

Want to know the truth? It didn’t click. I didn’t wake up one morning and decided to leave my job. Between bad decisions and my big mouth, I got my self on the bad side of people, and I was forced out. Was it right? No. Was it fair? No. Was it easy? Hell no! Was it the best thing that could have happened to me? Absolutely. I knew I was in a bad situation before leaving my job, but I had no idea how bad of a situation it was until I was out.

On good days I’m so thankful that it’s over. On bad days I’m bitter and angry for the fact that I don’t have a job, the way it all went down, and that I don’t have the financial security that I did then. Some days, I’m super motivated to work hard, making a name for myself, and some days I want to curl up in a ball and die. So to answer your question, ‘How did I overcome my obstacles?’ I haven’t. I work to overcome them every day. And honestly, sometimes I suck at it. Some days, I shut down and shut everyone out.

One thing I’ve learned from this is that the empty relationships I had in life were meaningless. They suck more life out of you than they are worth. But that doesn’t mean you should shut everyone out. You have to find someone who loves you for you (even on your bad days) because you can’t get through hard times alone.

You can’t sit there and hope that passion will manifest itself. You have to make the decision to takes steps toward something every day. I enjoy making things with my hands; it relieves my stress. Even when I was at my old job, if I was asked to do a task where I was working with my hands and making something, it made me smile. That is how I started making hair bows. I like dressing up my daughter, and I like making things. Both of these things brought a smile to my face. Sometimes that smile was fleeting, but it was a smile none the less.

I also have a passion for teaching, I always have, but it doesn’t feel like I do most days. I teach English online to make ends meet. There are mornings I have to force myself to get up and do it every morning, it's not easy, and most days I don’t want to. But you know what I can tell you? Every time I make a student smile or a child has a light bulb moment, it’s worth making myself get out of bed.

I guess my point is, living in a place where your brain is sad and filled with hopelessness sucks. It’s never easy, and every day is a battle. While I wish there were a magic pill that made it better or a special instruction manual that you could follow to get you back to that happy place you’re striving to get back to, it doesn’t exist. If it does, I haven’t found it.

If God slams a door in your face, don’t try to reopen it. Trust that it’s best. I’m not saying don’t be angry or sad. Feel those feelings, they are real, and they are valid.

I don’t know if I would listen to me, but I would encourage you to keep going. Make 1 decision every day that takes you toward what you know is your passion (even if it feels like that passion is gone). Just make yourself get out of bed and enjoy something for a couple of mins each day. You deserve to enjoy yourself. Some days feel impossible, but I won't give up, and neither should you.

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